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I'll leave this here. The reality is, no one wants contact except her. No one wonders why you don't. We simply witness the train wreck and pick up the pieces when the loop is complete and the reset is found. Some who accuse should take a hard look in the mirror and reflect on their actions before pointing fingers at others. It is essential to consider one's behavior and motives before passing judgment on someone else. Self-reflection is a powerful tool that can help individuals gain insight into their own biases, prejudices, and shortcomings. By examining oneself honestly, one can develop a greater sense of empathy and understanding towards others. This introspective process can lead to personal growth and a more compassionate approach when dealing with conflicts or disagreements. Remember, before casting blame, it is crucial to first evaluate one's intentions and behaviors to ensure fairness and integrity in all interactions.

When considering the goal of undermining great care, it is essential to delve into the motivations behind such actions. By seeking to undermine great care, individuals may be attempting to disrupt the stability and trust that is typically associated with quality care. This can result in a sense of unease and uncertainty within a beloved space, which is meant to be a sanctuary of comfort and security. Moreover, the notion of attempting to control things that do not exist can lead to a distortion of reality and a detachment from the genuine needs of those receiving care. This can ultimately result in a decline in the quality of care provided, as the focus shifts from genuine compassion and support to manipulation and pretenses. Furthermore, the idea of replacing a caregiver raises questions about the intentions behind such a decision and the potential consequences for the individual in need of care. Who would take on the role of caregiver, and what qualifications or motivations would they bring to the table? Ultimately, the gain from undermining great care may not be immediately apparent, as it can lead to a breakdown in trust, communication, and the overall well-being of those involved. In situations where the chosen caregiver is unable to provide the peace and support needed, it raises concerns about who would step in to ensure that essential aspect of care is maintained. I take great care at what expense? When I agreed all those years ago to be the forever, ride-or-die girl, I thought I knew what I was agreeing to. The last 8 days and all the grouped-up challenges of the past, I ask: Is this the best solution moving forward? My involvement is now questioned by me - what needs to change? The prideful cries of 'you are controlling others' - is it time for the others to step in and do what I have been unable to achieve? As I'm failing her and all others - maybe that is the new question: During times when I am unable to be present, it is crucial to consider who will take on the responsibilities that I usually handle. This question prompts reflection on the individuals in my life or within my organization who have the capability and willingness to step up in my absence. It speaks to the importance of having a support system or a reliable team that can fill in when needed. By asking this question, I am acknowledging the interconnectedness of our actions and the impact they have on those around us. It underscores the idea of collaboration and mutual aid, highlighting the significance of having a network of people who can support each other in times of need. Ultimately, pondering on who will step up in my stead is a reminder of the value of teamwork, trust, and preparedness in navigating life's challenges.

When the days seem endless, filled with a haze of confusion and overlapping thoughts, it can feel like being lost in a labyrinth of emotions. The weight of unanswered questions hangs heavily in the air, leaving one to wonder about the significance of each passing moment. The concept of time becomes blurred, and the present moment seems elusive, prompting introspection on the nature of today and its meaning. The silence of those around you can be deafening, leading to a sense of isolation and a longing for connection. The lack of communication from someone you expect to hear from can stir up feelings of abandonment and uncertainty. Despite the missed calls and unread messages, the void left by their absence remains palpable, begging the question of why they choose not to reach out. Memory loss with Alzheimer's can make 5 minutes feel like 9 hours or 2 hours feel like days. Action versus reaction, cause, and effect, lost in translation and blurry to the mind that feels left behind and current all in the same breath. In these moments of solitude and introspection, it's common to feel a mix of emotions ranging from frustration to sadness. The desire for human connection and understanding becomes a driving force, pushing one to seek resolution and clarity amid the chaos. As the day unfolds, each passing hour brings with it a sense of anticipation and apprehension, wondering if the silence will be broken and the questions will be answered. Accusations of manipulation and the weaponization of memory challenges can have serious consequences when wrongly attributed. It is crucial to recognize the dangers of misjudging individuals based on limited understanding. In situations where deception and misinformation run rampant, the use of complex terminology can often mask a lack of genuine comprehension. This is particularly true in the context of memory care, where the responsibilities of caregiving go far beyond mere surface-level knowledge. Ensuring the safety and well-being of individuals in memory care settings demands a deep understanding of their unique needs, challenges, and vulnerabilities. Therefore, it is essential to approach such situations with empathy, patience, and a willingness to learn to provide the best possible care and support. Accusations of manipulation and the weaponization of memory challenges can have serious consequences when wrongly attributed. It is crucial to recognize the dangers of misjudging individuals based on limited understanding. In situations where deception and misinformation run rampant, the use of complex terminology can often mask a lack of genuine comprehension. This is particularly true in the context of memory care, where the responsibilities of caregiving go far beyond mere surface-level knowledge. Ensuring the safety and well-being of individuals in memory care settings demands a deep understanding of their unique needs, challenges, and vulnerabilities. Memory care involves a multifaceted approach that requires caregivers to be attuned not only to the physical aspects of care but also to the emotional and psychological well-being of the individuals under their supervision. It is essential to create a nurturing environment that fosters trust and understanding, allowing those with memory challenges to feel secure and supported. Moreover, the complexities of memory care extend beyond the individual level to encompass broader societal attitudes toward aging, memory loss, and cognitive decline. Stigmatization and misconceptions surrounding memory-related issues can further complicate the caregiving process, making it imperative for caregivers to advocate for a more compassionate and informed approach. By approaching memory care with empathy, patience, and a commitment to ongoing education and professional development, caregivers can enhance the quality of life for those in their charge. Building meaningful connections, listening attentively to individual needs, and adapting care strategies based on evolving requirements are essential components of providing holistic and effective memory care.

Watching the changes in Alzheimer's care is a profound and multifaceted experience that goes beyond mere observation. It involves a deep emotional involvement and a heightened sense of empathy towards those directly affected by the disease. Living through the daily challenges and triumphs of caring for someone with Alzheimer's provides a firsthand understanding of the complexities and nuances that come with it. Being actively involved in the day-to-day care of a loved one with Alzheimer's brings a unique perspective that outsiders may not fully comprehend. It instills a sense of duty and a relentless pursuit of peace and dignity in the face of adversity. Those who have not walked this path may struggle to grasp the true essence of Alzheimer's care, relying instead on superficial knowledge or misconceptions perpetuated by media and hearsay. The gap between perception and reality widens, highlighting the importance of firsthand experience in truly understanding the intricacies of the journey. The complexities of the human brain and its profound connection to one's essence result in each Alzheimer's voyage being deeply personal and distinctive. Although there may be shared elements among these journeys, the uniqueness of every individual's mind shapes a particular narrative that resists generalizations. While I possess extensive knowledge about this journey, I cannot claim to comprehend the challenges faced by caregivers dealing with Frontal Lobe or Lewy Body dementia. I lack firsthand experience and only have an understanding that does not align with our current situation. I have a partial understanding of the path we are currently traversing, fully aware that further changes lie ahead, which demand strength. Navigating adulthood is difficult. Deliberate disruptions are not conducive to our journey or our present course, and will not be accepted. Why the hard line? Because it's best for our journey at this facility created for one: The one I know better than most. The lines are drawn because it is for quality of life and SAFTEY!!!!! Get on my page, I'm not the problem ~ I'm resolved and capable and comprehending my role. Understanding the path we are on is like deciphering a complex map filled with twists and turns, uncertainty lurking around every corner. The journey through adulthood is a formidable challenge, a constant test of our resilience and adaptability in the face of ever-changing circumstances. Disruptions, whether intentional or not, can derail our progress and throw us off course. It is crucial to maintain a steady trajectory, avoiding unnecessary obstacles that could hinder our growth and development. Straying from the path we have set for ourselves can lead to setbacks that may be difficult to overcome. The firm stance taken is not out of stubbornness but out of a deep-seated commitment to ensuring the best possible outcome for all involved. This facility, designed with a specific purpose in mind, demands strict adherence to its guidelines for the sake of everyone's well-being and safety. By aligning ourselves with the established rules and regulations, we pave the way for a smoother journey toward our goals. It is not about being inflexible, but about upholding standards that have been put in place to safeguard our collective interests. In this intricate dance of life, it is essential to find harmony between individual autonomy and communal responsibility. Each of us plays a unique role in shaping the course of our journey, and by understanding and embracing our responsibilities, we can contribute positively to the collective effort. Honesty comes with intricate and controlled chaos. ~The omission of details is permissible depending on how far down the rabbit hole of truth you are capable of. ~What isn't an option is the intentional omission of challenges easily avoided with communication and the need for transparency. Omit the non-important or the unchangeable. Don't lie. A lie is never a good option, as it creates confusion in the inner workings of the past and inherent knowledge of the subject; the beginning, the middle, and the current do not align in a blatant lie. ~Deflection is also very important to keep from having a full-blown fallout, but it is not okay to change the narrative to fit one's opinions ~ facts are essential and consistent, when the facts don't fit the memory of the past, we are all in trouble. This diatribe comes after several weeks of inconsistencies and ‘coincidences’. I don’t believe in coincidences, I work on a few key elements: ~ what I know. ~ the feelings and emotions present. ~ the knowledge that if the whole story doesn’t match, something doesn’t add up - we're in trouble! This is, of course, a very small list of importance, but it’s a good start for how each day works here. Small town integrity, ‘don’t’ embarrass the elders. Morals and ethics of the past decades are ever present in the mind and the emotions. The ‘Grands’ instilled this. Know the expectations of the audience of one and the ability to tolerate bullshit - that filter is gone. Most likely never be present again. Three days in for all the meds to help keep pneumonia and RSV away. Damn, the days are long with the outside world complicating the safe bubble of perceived independence and controlled chaos. Let’s revisit a few core elements needed for success: Communication. Logic. Being of sound mind. Patience. Kindness. Grace. Understanding that not all things can be understood! The knowledge that what is said is not always current! Feelings are key - doesn’t matter intent, they are here, present, and now have to be handled with care. “There is no privacy except in bathroom needs.” Time is not on our side. Ego and pride don’t work here. Their stupidity is now my problem. I work for one. The one is the only importance. The end. Quality of life and safety. If this is something they can’t see, or understand- they can’t be the inner circle. Fuck, how many years does it take for the outside world to start making helpful to the inner circle of care given for the health and safety of the most important role anyone will possibly take on without gain. What is my gain?!? Exhaustion? Stress? Days repeating like ground fucking hogs day? Yay me!! Aren’t I fucking blessed for all this gain! The financial burden and the emotional chaos are based on outsiders not liking the title of ‘others’. I had no problem with the text sent ~ completely out of my control and without my knowledge as I wasn’t even on the property at that moment. “To quote my favorite phycologist- grow the fuck up’ To this day, I don’t know who was being quoted but I do know the recipients and I know enough of the challenges to know a few things for fact: I’m not their problem. The quote is masterful. It belongs to anyone trying to create chaos intentionally due to uneducated knowledge based on nothing but opinions and theories of those who are never around but yet have a lot to say on a journey they can’t comprehend. This weekend, paid help quit. Something happened 5 ~ ish weeks ago and as much as I tried, we could not return to what was. I do not have enough knowledge of what that ‘something’ is as one participant only remembers the feels left and the others either don’t share, block for their control, or don’t want to share… nasty business when short-term memory is used as a weapon. Here is the warning and promise ( no threats here) Communication with me is the only way. Third-party conversations are so done. If they can't be kind and have patience, get the fuck out of the way. Using short-term memory as a weapon, I will make them wish they never met me. ( yes, some of the readers already wish that, but as they still stalk me and sometimes even use a VPN for kicks and giggles~ it’s worth sharing) When ‘professionals’ don't understand, how will anyone else?!?

I find the phrase 'tough shit' to be intriguing. It makes me wonder about its true meaning. Are bowel problems now equated with emotional challenges...? The unwillingness to consider a different perspective should not be linked to gastrointestinal issues. Yet here we are, on a day that has been under discussion for over a week without any gentle understanding from others. As previously mentioned, surprise visits are not effective. Why is that? A surprise visit two weeks ago had negative consequences, leading to the manifestation of the one symptom of Alzheimer's that we have been fortunate enough to keep under control through structure, routine, and consistency. The plan was established years ago, and yet today, external forces are pushing for their version of what should be, disregarding the reality of the present moment in terms of short-term memory and safety measures. Wandering. It's a genuine and frightening symptom. We often hear about missing persons with Alzheimer's, dementia, or other cognitive conditions on the news, causing distress, fear, and confusion - the relentless act of searching. Searching . Looking for someone or something misplaced. A perpetual challenge in memory care. I'm not here to provide professional advice; do your research and embark on a journey of no return. My purpose is to shed light on the consequences of others unintentionally or perhaps intentionally creating chaos and division. I'll pose the question again, despite stating in previous posts that I would refrain: Why? What is the purpose? What is gained?!? Safety. Well-being. Perceived control. Quality of life. What is so challenging to comprehend? The established structure serves a specific purpose. We strive to maintain a secure and healthy environment to enhance the quality of life for as long as necessary. Why oppose what works for daily life? Why resist what some individuals are too self-centered to grasp? Real-life unfolds whether they acknowledge it or not. The phrase 'tough shit' was used. If I disagree with the deliberate and blatant disregard for what is best for the individual, even though I am tasked with providing the best possible life for as long as I can - why disrupt that? Why go against the measures put in place for the individual's benefit?!? The malicious attempt to harm by insinuating 'I don't have to, and if you don't like it, tough shit.' The unfortunate part is that it could have been an enjoyable day for everyone. Instead, ego, misplaced pride, and self-importance take precedence once more. You are correct in asserting that you are not obligated to do so, but the reality is - neither am I, and the professionals are becoming frustrated with the ongoing challenges seven years post-diagnosis, with current issues more pronounced. The reasons for others' confusion: They do not inquire about health matters unless I provide an update. Why is that? I can only assume there is a lack of interest or concern. Did they know that anti-nausea medication was administered today to address severe gastrointestinal problems? Did they know that even after three weeks, we are still administering medication to manage wheezing and coughing? No - no one asks or engages in meaningful discussions. Instead, they jump to conclusions: 'Tough shit if you don't like it'... how accurate that statement is this afternoon when everything seems challenging. Instead of empathy, kindness, or factual information, there are only brief conversations - not with the individual who experiences these real-time challenges and has no control to prevent them, as it always involves others. I'll leave this here: Why fight her on her journey to stay safe and well taken care of??

At 8:50 a.m., the cell phone rings for the One, lasting for about 10 minutes. It was an unusual time for the caller as they usually call during the afternoon. The memory of the past always remains present. The recall of the past at 9 am is of using a water bottle filled with ice/water to spray from afar. Unsuccessfully trying to wake up the caller avoiding them coming up swinging. These memories are way more consistent than the snack eaten 5 minutes ago. The memories of begging to be close to the grands no matter how messed up reality really is even 25 years ago by so many others that the head spins trying to unpack the past and still want to live to see tomorrow. The second phone call came at around 9:10 a.m. This was a stressful morning as the person receiving the calls had limited resources and was on day 6 of strong antibiotics, cough suppressants, decongestants, and varied GI medications to cope with an illness that came up suddenly and caused a fast decline in health. The X-rays showed no pneumonia or blockages, which meant no answers to the problem and little relief from the symptoms. The situation worsened due to past feelings and events that the caller handled poorly. Diagnosis 7+ years ago ~ Alzheimer's. Cognitive Tests ~ Alzheimer's. Ct Scan ~ atrophy in the brain, Alzheimer's. Blood Tests ~ Alzheimer's. MRI ~ Duodenal Mass (unremovable), Alzheimer's. Endoscopy ~ Major complications cannot be fully addressed and complicated at this time. Surgery ~ complete failure to achieve what was promised and no path forward. Palliative Care ~ at peace and safe and without significant challenge most days. Still quite mobile and verbal ~ that sassy, unfiltered brain that uses intelligence like a weapon with the fractured memory of the present and the serious recall of yesteryear. It's day 6, and there are no secrets here. To this day, I still give health updates in group texts to many, including the 'Others,' even if they have me blocked. It is not in my power to decide whether you read a message sent in group chats; it isn't even my job to update at all. You help, and you receive fundamental knowledge. You create the battles that turn into war and now a distant past of 'who the fuck are you?' coming sooner than you think. The first caller that morning is listed in group chats, but they use blocking as a weapon. "You can't treat me like I treat you. I'm blocking you until you apologize for my bad behavior towards the one who matters." The initial caller sparked a significant disturbance this morning. I was confronted by two others questioning whether she had failed as a person. The profound sadness I felt was indescribable. A single tear of anguish ignited a rage that I believed only I could experience. The witnesses observed firsthand how harshly the days can begin for no apparent reason other than to mistreat and torment someone who only harbors emotions and memories of building meaningful relationships of utmost importance. These relationships are destroyed by individuals referred to as "THE OTHERS." The aftermath resembles scorched earth, with a lack of empathy or foresight into how this would be perceived seven years later. There is a blatant disregard for those unfairly burdened with the majority of the blame without any questioning. There are baseless accusations, falsehoods, and insinuations. There are no concrete facts, no credible proof of any wrongdoing, and no direct communication with the accused, only with individuals outside the inner circle and one specific person. These "Others" believe their behavior is normal and acceptable. Hand in hand, they proceed on their journey towards the cornfields and sunset. Meanwhile, the credits roll for the creators of this distorted depiction of the past, while the morning's events are inexplicably overlooked. For seven years, the truth and specifics have been neglected, as they presume to grasp the situation better than those experiencing it. Considering themselves wise and capable, they dismiss any conflicting information in favor of their narrative. It's not so much 'new' as it is repetitive, akin to the current Hollywood movies: The same tale is updated due to the lack of originality in today's society; recycling the storyline after 1, 5, or 20 years, striving to repackage it for a few additional 'likes' or 'views'. I could mention money, but this narrative only drains resources to establish a consistent and stress-free routine for days and nights, ensuring the well-being of the individual and the caregivers they resent. The main focus of this brief discussion on truth lies in moments of adversity when someone feels compelled to have a candid conversation about the significant time that has been squandered. The second person who called seemed to have read the mental and physical health update earlier that day and appeared to know more details without informing the caregivers providing round-the-clock care about a potential situation. I must admit, I found it a relief when the visitor stopped crying and turned quietly angry. The update I had sent was concise. This occurred before it was revealed that the initial caller and the presumed second caller had made a mistake and needed to switch. Managing anger is easier in this hectic care facility for someone without family support or acceptance, compared to dealing with uncontrolled rage from unresolved past issues without any closure. The individual is haunted by various emotional burdens, including the loss of a significant person in their life, the emotional endurance required from a past decade that is revisited daily, making a wrong decision at a vulnerable stage of life changes, reaching a breaking point in a particular decade, and expressing fear over memory inconsistencies. Despite pleading for interaction, it has not been successful. They have made financial contributions in an attempt to address past regrets. It is unacceptable to communicate only to ensure understanding while disregarding the feelings of the individual in the eyes of others. Exploiting the vulnerable is not acceptable. Proceed cautiously on the second day of this challenging situation involving illness and medication, which has become a recurring issue with no end in sight. Consistently, I have been direct, honest, and transparent, providing detailed information supported by 32 years of financial records maintained by professional CPAs, financial advisors, and legal experts. Why question what remains to be received? Why create jealousy among adults due to someone answering a phone call and causing distress for what purpose? The exhaustion felt this evening is genuine, and the disappointment in humanity is palpable.

The day starts with the house disarmed and unlocked, and it's time for the morning routine of medication before liquids and the challenge of what conversation will start the day. It's almost always the bright and cheery start of: I woke up. I'm still me, and okay, I'm happy. It mostly starts each morning at the same time and in the same way. The outside world can complicate things, and today, I'm just going down the honest rabbit hole of all the complications, random or otherwise, as I cannot control complications, even the kind others accuse me of for their gain or reasoning: greed, jealousy, stupidity, or lack of caring. Who the fuck knows the inner workings of another brain and what misfired at that moment to lose all rationality. The outside world has so many opinions about something they don't witness or experience, but they try to master their tangles and neuroscience. The outside world - Even the professionals are in 'practice' for the cause and solution of Alzheimer's and will only offer guidance, not absolutes... Things have shifted. The pattern is finally visible, and maybe a reset is needed for a new plateau. Fuck the Others. Take it for when it can help put logic in the illogical. Put rational in the irrational. Quality of life caregiving is not for the weak-minded. Take this real-time attribute to the sassy-ass woman who wants to make a difference: in someone's journey later on, The toll it takes on the ones who give The Care of ~ when it's needed, no matter what, When, how, and where. Wishes will be met with unwavering support and kindness. Amend it as you see fit for the journey you plan at the beginning of your journey as things shift into uncharted waters - a less complicated way of taking from present and past experiences per sentence. It's getting more complex to make excuses for the outside world. Promises were easy back then. Stay mobile for as long as you are able. Stay hydrated and eat for as long as you can. Stay verbal and interactive for as long as possible. Knowledge of Hyper Awareness, the skills of an artist like Rembrandt, and the favorite sense now used of the One. Hyper-aware and highly observant. The senses are strong on tone and tenor of voice: pauses and speed changes in speech, along with background noises. Short-term memory does not equal stupidity. How degrading to your own "Famiglia". Pensa per un momento, come potresti trattare così male la persona che condivide il tuo sangue, che ti ha dato tutto? Considera i sacrifici che hanno fatto e l'amore che ti hanno dimostrato. Ricorda che sono quelli che sono sempre stati lì per te nella buona e nella cattiva sorte. Quindi, prima di scatenarti o agire impulsivamente, fai un passo indietro e pensa a come ti sentiresti se la situazione fosse cambiata. She was Catholic to support what she married, not because she wanted to... The famiglia. This was a hard day, and I'm here for it. Not the goodwill of others. I'm a bitter pill to swallow for the days or weeks ahead. There are lots of complications in the way life works regularly. Seriously, so much time intentionally misunderstood. Trapped in the memory cycle "loop" of Alzheimer's is a haunting experience that many individuals face, where the past becomes a constant companion, replaying memories and emotions on a continuous loop. Each day unfolds like a broken record, with fragments of the past resurfacing in a relentless cycle. The individual finds themselves caught in a web of nostalgia and confusion, as they struggle to distinguish between present reality and the echoes of a bygone era. Living with Alzheimer's means reliving a memory or a feeling day by day, with each repetition blurring the lines between what is real and what is a figment of the past. This relentless loop can evoke a range of emotions, from nostalgia and comfort to frustration and despair. The person may find solace in familiar recollections, yet also grapple with the loss of agency and control over their own narrative. As caregivers and loved ones witness this cycle unfold, they are faced with the challenge of providing support and compassion amid such profound disorientation. Each day becomes a delicate balance of honoring the individual's past while gently guiding them through the present moment. It is a journey marked by patience, empathy, and a deep understanding of the complexities of memory and identity. During this memory loop, there are moments of clarity and connection that shine through like beacons of light in the darkness. These moments remind us of the resilience of the human spirit and the enduring power of love and companionship. While Alzheimer's may trap individuals in a cycle of memories, it is through the bonds of shared experiences and unwavering support that they can find moments of peace and connection amidst the storm.

Caregiving for a family member could be considered a very positive experience with the guidelines and assistance of professionals for the lifelong work of providing care for another in need. In the last seven years, I have been vilified, accosted, and egregiously verbally abused for doing all the things the professionals and the one asked for. It could be argued that I deserve the hatred and accusations from others, and maybe you reading this have feelings of anger or pity. My answer to both - you are welcome to your feelings, whether they hold or are just perceptions of what is not to be confused with the reality of life lived. I owe no explanations or excuses, no apologies or empathy for the outside world that neither shows up nor shares the weight of responsibility emotionally nor financially. The facts are the facts. There are no grey areas here in the caring assisted living for only one. You got what you wanted! What was it that I wanted? Understanding Kindness Empathy Boundaries Yeah, I didn't get what I wanted or asked for. I have a lonely existence, putting my personal/professional goals on hold for as long as needed, slowly passing by any chance of achieving as time is accelerating, never to return. It is argued that I have no right to display the drama as it unfolds due to painting a picture of malintent and division. There was also a short discussion of ‘bullying.’ Yet, it is all about the others being abused, not the actions of the others who created the chaos and iron cuffs of no return to a simpler time when pretending to exist peacefully was way less likely to cause a meltdown. It is said I'm not getting enough attention at home, and that has caused me to react and lash out; you should read the comment section post for the highlights of that abuse. The misogynistic, vicious tone is so worthy of cancel culture vibes. Living with Alzheimer's disease can be a challenging and emotionally taxing journey, not only for the individual diagnosed but also for their loved ones and caregivers. As the disease progresses, it often brings about a loss of privacy in communication, especially as the individual's cognitive abilities decline. This loss of privacy can manifest in various ways, such as forgetting who they are talking to, repeating the same information multiple times, or even sharing personal or sensitive information without realizing the implications. After 7 years into an Alzheimer's diagnosis, the impact on communication becomes more pronounced. The individual may struggle to maintain coherent conversations, leading to a sense of vulnerability and exposure. Furthermore, as the symptoms of the disease worsen over a period of 10+ years, the challenges of maintaining privacy in messages become even more apparent. Loved ones and caregivers may find themselves navigating a delicate balance between respecting the individual's autonomy and ensuring their safety and well-being. Are you daft? Where is the support others speak of on their end? Forget giving me support, how about the one that supported all of the others? Going way beyond the duty of the relationships in question. Ride or die for the ones who cause so much stress over stupid misunderstandings and chaos created by short-term memory lapses. It is claimed that I communicate through someone else's device and feign responsibility for every single issue. I have never faced any difficulty expressing my thoughts or speaking the truth as I understand it. Why would I even consider engaging in such deceptive tactics? As if I have an abundance of leisure time for such games. The devastation seen with each event shows the path moving forward, as it did many years ago. The challenge: is irreversible. So much time is wasted on pure hatred and prideful ignorance. For what?? Do they even know what they are fighting against? The knowledge that the diagnosis was always a timeline. The newer health challenges moved up the timeline. The journey is simply a race against time not one size fits all. The path was set and yes, I was chosen by the one to fight the hard fight with unwavering resolve. Safety and quality of life. This is getting old, and no one is here for the drama and mental anguish created for shits and giggles. Find a new childish game; this one is done. Plan ahead Find some fucking kindness Get in touch with the Gatekeeper Live within the guidelines for safety and quality of life. The narrative of this Dazey Diary is clear, forthright, and blunt. It isn't about what I want or need. It is about the one. THE ONLY REASON WE HAVE TO STAY IN COMMUNICATION. This statement is true, not abusive. We are all adults and over 21 years of age. I refer back to a message sent by the one~ Grow the fuck up. I'll also add my thoughts on what this means: Find the path, I no longer can help. Your communication challenges are becoming more difficult and the path forward is in the control of the outside world moving forward for the one. It is said that I was not clear in years before and created all and every problem to torture the others in their quest of villainizing the only one doing the care… manipulating and gaslighting are my charges, along with being the basic bitch… The question is simple: What would any of you do without me? I leave this here knowing it will be picked apart for the one word they will use for the next battle- Welcome to birthday/event season; everyone wants me to make sure I buy them a present on the one’s behalf. The day of days, two weeks later, follows one more disastrous event in the house of care. At that time, we should all be able to take leave, tend to the wounded, and dig trenches for the battles yet to erupt. To fight a new day…

‘Claiming victim and not taking responsibility for why…’ is the current accusation. The only victim is The One. To read that blog post and respond with this means you are part of the problem, not the solution. To know of the ‘action taken at a traumatic time’ means you are one of the others. The truth and nothing but the truth mentality is strong with contempt of a letter sent begging for routine and consistency where communication had long been broken by more than 1 1/2 years. The letter was 3 months in the making through an attorney who specializes in such things to bring communication back ~ yeah, that didn't happen. Looking for a detailed explanation? The truth is, you're not interested in that - you prefer to blame the victim, shift the focus, and have the final say on how others are criticized for not understanding a severe illness that has been developing for years and was diagnosed long before a letter was sent more than 4 years after a period of total chaos. You don't have time to list off all the grievances But you will write a book on my lack of accountability for what, exactly? Let's dive in, shall we? Expanding on the complexities of communication breakdowns during times of trauma can shed light on the challenges individuals face in maintaining connections. The struggle to navigate through a situation where routine and consistency are disrupted can have profound effects on relationships. In this case, the attempt to reestablish communication through a legal channel underscores the desperation to bridge the gap that had widened over a significant period. The dynamics of blame and victimhood come into play when trying to make sense of the aftermath of trauma. It is not uncommon for misunderstandings to arise, leading to a lack of empathy or support for those grappling with severe illnesses. The narrative of shifting focus and critiquing others for their perceived lack of understanding highlights the complexities of interpersonal relationships in the face of adversity. The notion of grievances left unspoken hints at a deeper well of unresolved issues and emotional turmoil. It speaks to the weight of unaddressed concerns and the toll it can take on an individual's well-being. The call for accountability amidst chaos and confusion raises questions about the expectations placed on individuals to navigate challenging circumstances with grace and composure. In delving into these intricacies, it becomes apparent that the journey towards healing and reconciliation is multifaceted. It requires a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths, acknowledge past mistakes, and strive for mutual understanding. By exploring the nuances of personal experiences and interpersonal dynamics, we can gain insight into the complexities of human relationships and the resilience required to navigate through turbulent times. What is the vague point you are trying to make?! Answer the questions - make the point! What is the goal? What is the gain? Who do you think you are proving a point to? Get the point! Dive deep - have the conversations! Oh, right - it's abusive if I ask and share to have a real dialogue instead of daft and random sound bites to sound informed and interested in the real life of Alzheimer’s care versus an inept opinion based on nothingness. Communication is a fundamental aspect of human interaction that plays a crucial role in building and maintaining relationships, whether they are personal or professional. It serves as a bridge that connects individuals, allowing them to express their thoughts, feelings, and ideas effectively. Effective communication involves not only speaking but also listening actively to understand the perspectives of others. When communication breaks down, misunderstandings can arise, leading to conflicts and strained relationships. Despite the importance of communication, many people tend to avoid it due to various reasons such as fear of confrontation, lack of confidence, or past negative experiences. Avoiding communication can result in missed opportunities for growth, collaboration, and connection. It is essential to recognize the significance of open and honest communication in fostering healthy relationships and creating a positive environment. Shall we continue? “The drama is my own creation” is a good place to start. How is that, exactly?!? “The hardest pill for me to swallow and the purest and truest fact of all” Ya sure about that?!? What do you know of the pride, ego, and ‘hardest pill’ I swallow? You don't know me. You have a preconceived notion based on the opinions of others or even your baseless and unfactual ‘knowledge’ of who you want me to be for your personal gain and narrative. “I could go point by point…” Let's do it! I'm here for it, take the time you need in vague innuendo and make it a real dialogue of truth and honesty for ALL. “…creative content that suits my insanely skewed narrative...” No content without the Others. “…to gain attention to my ‘cause’.” What is my ‘cause’? Imma gonna stop here for a little clarity on my ‘cause’. What do you know of the last 10-plus years and how it shaped up? One perception versus another. There was no empathy or kindness given in the beginning. No understanding of the role reversals or the challenges faced. No care is given by the outside world. Just accusations, blatant disgust, and vague ‘you know how you are’ chaos. Why do you think verbal chats ended and texts only, group texts only, and barely that? What the heck, you give me way too much power in your story without content for which I have none. You don't “feel my pain” or even know what pains me. What you know is your perception of what you think. Opinion only. Why is that, I wonder? The answer is simple: you didn't care enough in the beginning and no longer have access ever again. When did you last spend the day, evening, or even more than an hour of quality time with someone? When did you last see or communicate with me on a deeper level than accusing me of being a villainous person who ‘knows how I am’? “The longest goodbye…” What do you know of it on this specific journey of the victim in this ‘creative content’? Assumptions only go so far, and then you are left with the empty shell of what could have been; never fully realizing the damage done. "... doesn't give you the right to bash others when they gave up..." So, not my problem they gave up on the one and only VICTIM!!! Anyone who has the guts to spew nonsense and complete bullshit. She didn't give up on any of the others and unfortunately for me, won't ever~ Would you like to have access to the videos of the character analyses we conduct every morning and evening? Just so you know, the most disheartening aspect is that this blog is the only place where you can discover genuine and accurate information alongside some obscure details. Other sources are entirely inaccessible to me now and will never regain the access or influence they once had. The only exception is the one who should be posing the crucial question. Is it worthwhile to create divisions and take sides? At some point in the future, you will have to answer that question for yourself. I know my answer. “You are aware of the actual truth…” Indeed, would you like me to delve into specifics? The search for the item that was taken 2 1/2 years ago continues daily... and the most sincere explanation for why this location was locked down and its boundaries firmly established, with or without resistance. Misunderstandings, especially deliberate ones, are not a challenge I face. “… failing to take responsibility for your own actions…” Really, what does that even mean? In what situations have I not taken responsibility? I am the one who stands firm. I am the one who controls chaos. I am the sole person present every day, reaching out to others only when prompted by the sole individual seeking connection. Once they, you, them, or anyone else grasps this, a way forward will be revealed. Want to villainize me? Go at it with all your might, but if you want the purest form of truth and honesty, here it is. The 'show more' was never read as we were cleaning and steaming carpets this morning. I'm sure there was plenty there to unpack, but alas, one will never know. Who is the victim you speak of? It sure as hell isn't me. I agreed when asked, and I continue to do as asked as best I can for safety and well-being... If you can't get on board with that, it's not my problem - not my fight. Caregiving in this journey is about assuming my role as the personal assistant to the only one calling all the fucking shots. You don't like it, Take it up with the one, I'm sure that will be fun for all. This dialogue dates back to 2018... Let's be specific and embrace the truest, purest form of complete honesty. When it mattered, it didn't to the others. Now that the path is set, it matters to the others ~ but it seems irreversible. Why are you still interested in my 'creative content' that only a few read?! Blissfully unaware seems to be a good look, rock it!

Depending on the company, what you see and hear is not always accurate. Brave face, stoic independence, and knowing your audience reign true. Always present in the day and the life of the ‘annoying short-term memory lapses.’ Persistent illnesses are here and look to be long-term with a lack of energy, labored breathing by a simple walk to the car, and the frustration of being unable to be as agile and ‘on the go.’ Think or say what you want about my methods, but they are hers and create a quality of life many are jealous of due to the grace and kindness shown for the declining health of the mind and body. It is not my frustration I speak of; it is the one who suffers. I watch each day and know without a doubt that times are changing. Grace Empathy Kindness Patience An argument resembling a nuclear meltdown, to the feelings, to the nothing. That is each day when the outside world rocks the stable bubble created for the safety and well-being of the one in control of how each day looks. The meltdown almost always ends, and the scheming begins. The mood and tone resemble a teen about to manipulate a way out of the house without the parents knowing. Years of experience and excitement of brand new ways to get what she wants at any cost. There is a misconception with Alzheimer’s care that the one with the disease is daft and incapable of rational thought. The reality is, that short-term memory loss does not mean being unable to understand their feelings. Feelings range from the memories of the long-lost past or the fear of the future or simply the present day and month and year of right now... Maybe to repeat in the loop for days and days. Understand what is felt, just not necessarily the why or how. Content and context lost, twisted, added, or subtracted from. For fuck's sake, if she doesn't know, how in the hell is it expected of anyone in this House of Caring? Assumptions of real life aren't tolerated here, not now~ not ever again. Understanding emotions in the present moment adds complexity to communication dynamics and its connection to caregiving and emotional well-being. If doctors struggle to fully comprehend the how, what, and why, how can caregivers be expected to fulfill their responsibilities without being unfairly blamed for all the challenges faced by the outside world? Perhaps a new term like "the Outside World" could be considered for others. It seems like a rebranding might be on the horizon. Feelings and awareness of changes can be daunting and difficult to articulate, yet they remain a reality. Recognizing breakdowns in communication can lead to overwhelming anxiety, possibly resulting in outbursts or silent withdrawal. The rationale behind the unfolding of this journey is also a significant factor to consider. ‘I know what this looks like, and I am so sorry; I don't want to be a Burdon or put you through this.’ Lack of trust creates cautious skepticism and frustration. Honesty and omission of the worst in the divisive nature of a fast-paced world spinning around this slow trolley~ headed to a full stop. Relationship dynamics and the reasons for the decisions made over the years BY THE ONE are always present. It doesn't mean you are the recipient of the truth and purest form of it; it means you get the version of whatever the relationship is and was for the one . The hardest pills for the outside world to swallow are the subtle changes that alter the present and future. The changes are so nuanced and have layers that the outside world needs it to be in a nice little box with a perfect little bow on top. This isn't a cookie-cutter disease with a map of what happens next; it is that each brain is different, so each day and journey will be similar, but with very distinct personalized demons and stresses, only a few will be strong enough to witness and survive. Changes are here never to return to the before and, unfortunately, never to truly improve ~ only to be infinitely harsher and more complex moving forward. Grace and kindness are buzzwords for the mental health and well-being of 2024. Grace and kindness should be present for all, but if they are unavailable for all, they should be present for at least one. In this context, the ethical implications of questioning the transparency of information within a palliative care facility are profound. The very notion of debating the extent of information provided in such a sensitive environment can be seen as a betrayal of trust and a violation of the fundamental principles of care and compassion. It is a stark reminder of the vulnerability and fragility of those in need of palliative care, and the importance of upholding their dignity and autonomy. The act of having to plead for assistance, especially in a situation as delicate as palliative care, reflects a systemic failure in the provision of support and resources for individuals facing end-of-life challenges. It underscores a lack of empathy and solidarity within the caregiving community, where compassion and understanding should be the guiding principles. The introspective reflection on one's own actions and motivations adds a layer of complexity to the narrative. The realization of being perceived as ruthless in the pursuit of securing autonomy for a loved one highlights the intricate dynamics of caregiving relationships. It speaks to the intricate balance between advocating for the well-being of a vulnerable individual and navigating the complexities of power and agency within the caregiving dynamic. Ultimately, this contemplation delves into the intricate web of emotions, ethics, and responsibilities that define the experience of caregiving in palliative care. It sheds light on the multifaceted nature of human relationships, the challenges of navigating end-of-life care, and the profound impact of individual actions on the lives of those we care for. Amid the relentless chaos and nonsensical whirlwind that seems to engulf us, the question lingers in the air like an unresolved mystery: who will emerge as the beacon of order amidst this tumultuous storm? As we witness the harsh outside world hurtling by at an ever-increasing speed, a peculiar phenomenon unfolds before our eyes - time itself appears to be defying its nature, slowing down to a pace that feels almost excruciatingly sluggish. It is as though we are caught in a paradoxical dance between the frenetic pace of the external world and the languid crawl of time within our consciousness. In these moments of dissonance and discord, the need for a guiding force to bring coherence and stability becomes ever more pressing. The clamor of uncertainty and confusion echoes loudly, reverberating through the very fabric of our existence. Yet, amidst the cacophony of the world's relentless spin, there exists a silent plea for someone, something, to step forward and impose a semblance of order upon the chaos that threatens to engulf us. Perhaps, in this juxtaposition of accelerating external chaos and decelerating internal time, lies the key to unlocking a deeper understanding of our reality. It is in these moments of paradox and contradiction that the seeds of transformation are sown, waiting to blossom into a new paradigm of clarity and purpose. And so, we find ourselves at a crossroads, grappling with the enigma of time's elusive dance and the urgent call for someone to rise and bring an end to the madness that surrounds us.

Testing the waters won’t get you far… Saturday calls are set up with 4 participants, involving 2 countries and 3 US states. Four women, friends for 65 years, showcase the significance of lifelong friendships in memory care. They emphasize that past memories are often more vivid than the present, as time reveals all truths. Why make a call when dates and times are already known, potentially disrupting special moments for others? Why create unnecessary confusion where there is none? Why disturb peace just to incite unwarranted irritation and frustration? How could one fabricate drama each week with numerous witnesses and disrupt the whole scenario for blog content? Pandora's box opened the minute I sent the fateful text: Consistent, routine, schedule- don't hang out here. Maintaining a schedule and routine is crucial. As her personal assistant, I handle the mundane tasks to make things easier for her. By taking care of the details, I ensure that she can focus her energy on important matters and appear composed even when facing challenges. It requires effort, skill, and a resilient attitude to navigate through difficulties. The key is to persevere, adapt, and stay strong. Failure is not an option, especially when it comes to proving others wrong. The journey may be arduous and intricate, but it is worth it in the end. Quality of fucking life, yo!

Despite my silence during the recent minor dramas, I now have a question: What is the purpose of making a commotion when I have simply followed the instructions given to me? This blog post has been up for a month. The drama continues with no public statement from me, yet you have to go hard and try to sound justified in the actions of the few. Just a reminder, here are some important points to keep in mind: - She will not spend a 2$ bill from her wallet. - Her wedding band is still missing, and she continues to search for it daily. - When you offer to bring her lunch, you end up making her (me) pay for it. - You seem to be okay with how she is treated by others, and this makes you part of the problem. ~ Deliberately creating an environment for 'wandering', thinking I'm in control when I'm simply ensuring safety in Memory Caregiving 101: DON'T LOSE THEM!!!! THAT'S SCARY AND INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS... Then... I would be accused of doing it on purpose and it all being my fault... Yeah, umm no. Sure, here's the revised version: Did that information end up on a blog post? No, it was meant to be handled in private, as I requested years ago, and it still hasn't been resolved. Why is this now being discussed publicly? No one stood up for her, except for those who ARE around 24 hours a day. This morning, I asked people to think before they speak, as no relationships are listed and no names are mentioned. Yet, here we are again, after 7 years, almost 8, dealing with challenging memories due to a clearly defined illness. Let’s talk about my parents. The one who I take great care of and the non-existent one. 32-year relationships were shocked to know my father lives less than a block away from my house. Some are even shocked to know my father is alive and kicking. Why is that? What is there to talk about? No relationship, no communication, and nothing to share. My help for him isn’t wanted by the ‘2 guys’ you speak of, and when it was asked of me, it was always given - even at the inconvenience of the one who wants my assistance. The others are welcome to join in on this lack of communication - I’m not the one angry or holding on to something that never existed. It is my duty to ensure her safety! My loyalty is to one person: the mom who chose to give the whole cast a better existence without the drama as best she could. You had my loyalty until it was made clear I didn’t have it back. The end. Do I bitch and complain about my role? No. I no longer keep the secrets of how this works with The Others who are so self-absorbed they can’t see past their own mistakes in the challenges of memory care and Alzheimer’s! My life is easier without the noise. Crickets! Always crickets when asked direct questions. You want the conversation- have it.