In the beginning, I observed a recurring pattern of receiving furious text messages from Saturday afternoon through Tuesday morning, indicating a troubling situation. This would lead to a state of complete disorder with bursts of anger, exhaustion, and anxiety. Her mental condition was changing, and the anxiety related to Alzheimer's was evident prior to getting a diagnosis and a plan for the future.
Fast forward two years, and now they all come for me as if I created the chaos, not trying to muddle through to another side. Caregiving in memory care is not for the weak.
" She is such a vicious Bitch. "
" She wouldn't let us contact or see. "
Keep scrolling down...
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"Why are you so mean? "
Copy and Paste, Baby, Copy and Fucking Paste.
"You know how she is. "
"You know how you are."
I don't, but I keep asking. Hoping some honesty would shed some fucking light on this stupid bullshit.
You are dead to me."
"So done with you. "
"Our end goal is to remove you from our lives completely because you don’t care for anyone except yourself.”
Copy and paste, Babes. Copy and fucking paste
2023 has been active.
Before I continue, this is my version of the ongoing saga from my perspective and with receipts. I know what has been said to others. I know who has come to me for clarification; I know who hasn’t; the have-not list is very long. Forty-eight years of history and a lifetime of challenges created the war; some of us know more because we paid attention to details...my life, my story...
Before Nov. 2021, I managed many layers of the family dynamic with a ‘keep the peace’ mentality.
If the scenario was: Lesli said something rude, the matriarch was informed, and Lesli would be forced into submission by ‘agree to disagree' tactics.
If the scenario were: We don't like the new boundaries set, Lesli would have to adjust for everyone else’s benefit.
This sounds so dramatic because it is that dramatic.
The others are a thinly veiled venomous group who were forced to cope in the best way they could with the chaos created by many in the past, current, and future holding all the strings. The matriarchs are the key. What they say goes... well before 2021..
Question:
What Changed?
The answer:
Perceived control.
The contempt and vile anger stem from the changes. The passing of the torch; before anyone outside of a small faction could adjust to the changes before them. The core group could see three steps ahead. No one else saw it coming, and they were blindsided and bitter.
Question:
Why didn’t you explain and warn them if you knew?
Answer:
I did. Over four years of sharing, we were:
yelling,
begging,
fighting,
arguing,
agreeing to disagree-isms,
and ad-nauseum.
Each time harder to recover from and without resolution.
Accusations,
bitter words,
threats,
hidden agendas
no understanding or respect for each other
and, most importantly,
There is no clear strategy for moving forward together. In 2023, a separation seems likely, potentially for an indefinite period. In the past, up until 2020, I mostly remained silent in public, except for a few errors in judgment. Now, there is no justification for allowing only one perspective to dominate the conversation.
Question:
Why tell all and now?
Answer:
Looking for solace, I now understand that I'm not the only one dealing with these obstacles; maybe my words could encourage others on their journey. Additionally, if I’ve gained a reputation for upsetting those who were supposed to be my most trusted allies, I may as well challenge them with my viewpoint, as conveyed in my words, if they decide to explore it. This message was distributed to all adults aged 20 and above who have the same surname.
This isn't a tell-all, it's the highlight reel of the insane and chaotic misrepresentation of my life through others' lenses.
This message of honesty and clarity started this response. Their story...
“She is such a vicious Bitch.”
Maybe.
“She won’t let us contact or see.”
No TRUTH.
“We don’t know what is wrong with her.”
Nothing
“Why are you so mean?”
Boundaries are not mean, and neither am I.
“You know how she is.”
Vague innuendo ..how am I?
“You are dead to me.”
As you wish.
“I’m so done with you.”
As you wish.
“Our end goal is to remove you from our lives completely because you don’t care for anyone except yourself.”
As you wish.
You are on your own.
As previously mentioned, numerous disagreements, lack of trust, hard feelings, and conflicts resulted in a toxic disconnection.
My response to the challenge shifted in 2021.
In 2021, my focus is no longer on fighting for my mental health and peace;
Now, I fight for hers. It isn’t about me. It is about her
.
Question:
Why the change in 2021?
Answer:
With changes and phases of Alzheimer's come needs and boundaries for peace and stress-free long-term home care. Structure and consistency in routine. Minor annoyances were removed to create an invisible bubble of protection for maximum health and longevity.
Kindly note:
The words expressed here are my own and I fully endorse everything I write.
These are my own words.
My personal thoughts.
My genuine feelings.
My own device.
Using my given name.
I have always been transparent and true to myself.
I have never and will never hide behind anyone else. I learned self-respect and integrity at a young age.
You decide:
Are the texts above and below considered abusive, threatening, or harassing?
Establishing structure and routine, organizing schedules and following patterns.
Whenever we concede and attempt to accommodate others, chaos and resentment ensue every single time in recent years. Stand your ground and prepare for a full-fledged conflict!
The others show no willingness to negotiate~ only harboring pure animosity and revulsion. What have I done to deserve such open disdain?
What do you think is the ultimate goal for me? And for you?? What are we really fighting for?
Before responding to that~ reflect on:
My gain? Nothing.
Constant reminders are vital for consistency and routine for the best palliative care that lasts~ #thelongestday #endalz #alzbr 11/17
Do you gain??? She thinks y'all want to make her move. 05/23
Why haven’t you contacted the attorney with thoughts and ideas for a comprehensive compromise? 07/2023
Why not call her Dr. if you think I'm a controlling Bitch with Munchausen Disease (go look it up)? 06/22
Why didn’t you call that therapist and set an appointment for family counseling? We agreed as long as everyone was invited, including the one y'all are punishing.2022-current
To summarize the most recent violation: A letter was sent by the attorney who was hired to assist in mediating this chaotic situation (on retainer) with the actual intention of advancing HER AGENDA!!! Her Desires. He acts as HER REPRESENTATIVE, speaking for her since you do not trust her or me. She is not legally incompetent, She is experiencing memory loss due to a disease affecting her brain: Alzheimer's.
This little gem of abuses they suffer: I’m:
evil,
vile,
disgusting,
sickening
As of the time of writing this post, the only communication I received was from the matriarch, who reached out asking for my assistance. The excessive gossiping was somewhat overwhelming, but the only direct contact I had was the urgent call from a distressed patient that I will need to assist in the upcoming days.
Fuck the compromise.
This is the way.
The only way.
She invites you all to join her for lunch, and she will cover the expenses.
She suggests meeting in person to explore new things or have a lunch date, and she will pay for it.
She is strongly urging all of you to be involved in her current life, the way she truly needs you to be.
Stop with the selfish messages and calls that she misunderstands.
What is the matter with all of you!? WTF?
My story may be unique. It is a truthful and honest account of my dual life. I am a caregiver to a complex individual, a bright and intelligent woman who has led a captivating life and can continue to do so with the right support and assistance.
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