The War: Stone cold silence. No communication. No empathy. No return.
The worst display of temper and contempt. Disrespectful and insulting texts coupled with manipulative 'private chats' in hopes of a return to the beginning when the behavior always resulted in the wanted result. The current challenges are used as leverage and cause stress to the only one I fight for.
A test of wills and who will break first. Stubborn and inherently vicious display of wasted time, for what?
The Fight: Angry, bitter words from misunderstandings, jealousy, and a total lack of empathy years in the making.
Am I an innocent bystander? NO
I'm as scrappy as they come, with some spice added for good balance. I have a gift of words that can shatter any hopes of recovery. I was chosen for a specific purpose and can and always will rise to the challenge. It takes a long time to push me to that point, but light it all on fire and watch it burn to the ground!
Did I always know when to back off and reassess? NO...
I learned to stop engaging in the toxic cycle of hatred and disconnect two years ago.
I did not create the argument; I would not back down.
Today is better than two years ago; My world was closing in. So many changes in such a short time with so many opinions floating in this gossipy town that isn't yet a big city because everyone knows everyone and hears the stories. The things they think they know but never ask the one who knows.
I can count on less than ten digits who asked for clarification. Less than that for those who asked if I could use a little assistance, guidance, or a listening ear. Because we are all friends and family, right? That is what we do... right? Take care of each other and have each other's back when things are rough. Am I wrong?
We are all taught to be there for each other, 'blood is thicker...' is the phrase used during an argument. This particularly nasty argument has a few fun statements:
You need to rein her in.
You are not family and will never understand the dynamic.
You have blinders on.
Get your head out of the sand.
My question: When did you become so bitter and callous?
Perceived Closeness was about all we could ever muster. A pretty little front for all the world to see because that is how it is supposed to be.
This too shall pass. It will all work out.
Nope. That ship sailed.
The New Possibility:
Mutual understanding.
Text or email communication only.
Schedule and boundaries.
Seems reasonable, yes? I mean... I thought so when the professionals guided us to a new plan to 'lower the temp. And find common ground.'
It isn't that they have a problem with me taking all responsibility moving forward in our journey; they do not want to adjust to the changes needed for well-being and safety. Changes need to come in a small and consistent manner. Controlled for that invisible bubble of independence and success in a moderately normal everyday-is-fine kind of way.
Things it is NOT:
Control for control's sake
Unjustified
Abusive
Neglectful
Harmful
Selfish
Actual reasons:
An Invisible Bubble of Independence
Maintain Critical thinking for as long as possible
Consistency and routine are the absolute best outcomes for long-term care
IT ISN'T ABOUT YOU! IT ISN'T ABOUT ME!!!!
If there is only one thing I ever leave you with in reading my sassy ass blog,
Alzheimer's is the all-time worst. Every day we learn more, find new ways to help and cope. It will test your patience, understanding and peace to your core.
My fight is not and has never been with the ones who live inside our invisible controlled bubble.
The fight is only about:
scheduling,
consistency,
empathy,
understanding.
Anything else is stupid bullshit either made up, hyped up for personal gain, or exaggerated to best fit the narrative of a few.
'How is the cottage going to be split up when you are gone, since it is on her property?' -to ask this is just awful, you all know I'm not dead yet (this was paraphrased to save the snowflake sensibilities of the damned)
What exactly is the fight??? I would love to know. I asked and asked, but all I get is vague innuendo and blind contempt for boundaries and structure:
you know how she is...
you need to lower the temp
you need to fix it
you are the blame
you are the sole reason
Why punch holes in the invisible bubble of independence and protection for your gain with no regard for the effects in the aftermath of turmoil and anxiousness? Is it worth it in the end???
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